Wednesday, December 19, 2007

12 - The Flat In The Hat

"Geez, what’s with this place? First we had to jump through a portal made of glowing mushrooms, and now we have prove ourselves how many times before this witch lady helps us?" Enershia grumbles, firing off bolts of lightning.

"Nine so far by my count," answers Princess Mystic from within a mob of Cabalists.

"Nine?! Can’t she take a [censored] hint?"

"How’re the tanks doing?"

"Fine," rumbles Iron Dan.

"And Flat?"

"Trying to jump up to get at the flying ones," Darc Lady answers.

"Typical," Princess sighs.

Off to the side, Flatfoot is trying to leap into the air. "Land so I can hit you!" he shouts up.


"All hail the overlord! All hail the Great Pumpkin!" The pumpkin creatures, identifying themselves as Fir Bolg, have taken Teckstyle, pumpkin head and all, and planted him on a giant throne in the woods. Now they’re bowing before him reverently.

"Look, guys, I appreciate this, I really do, but this isn’t really necessary," Teck protests.

"What is your will great one?" Asks a particularly tall one standing by the throne.

"Well, if you put it that way," Teck thinks for a moment. "I am kinda hungry."

"A feast! A feast!" The Fir Bolg cry out.

"What do you desire?" asks the tall one.

Teck scratches his head. "Well…I’m looking around, and all I can think of is pumpkin pie."

The tall creature leans back, aghast. "My lord, that is cannibalism!"

"Now look…uh…"

"I am Streng."

"Look, Streng. As you say, I’m your overlord, and I’m mighty hungry. I don’t care how you get it, but I want pie."

The Streng hesitates for a moment, then says, "Yes, m’lord." Then he turns to the worshipping masses. "A sacrifice! A sacrifice!"

Teck taps him on the shoulder. "Oh, and some mead if you can manage that."


"Razza Frazza midgets," Iron Dan growls, wading through a pile of Red Caps around his knees.

"They’re not technically midgets," Darc corrects.

"Razza Frazza gnomes."

"Better."

"Hey," Flat says after punting a particularly small gnome. "We’re heroes, right? ‘Killing is wrong’ and all that? So how do you manage to keep in line with that with that katana?"

"Its called Skill, Flat," Princess says flatly (hey, look, a pun!)

"What is this skill you speak of?" Flat answers innocently.

"Just keep fighting, we’ve got a soul to save!" Enershia shouts as another wave of gnomes comes charging in.

"Do what now?" Flat asks.

"Didn’t you pay attention to the briefing?"

"Not…really. Beating up lawn gnomes is good enough motivation for me."

"Oy."

"Hey, did any of you just hear a loud explosion?" Darc Lady asks.


A few minutes earlier…

"I gotta admit guys, that was the best mead I’ve ever had," Teck says, rubbing his armored belly. He picks up a slice of pumpkin pie and examines it, then tries to fit it through the pumpkin on his head. "Hmm. This is a problem." He tries to pull off the pumpkin. "Yeah, definitely a problem. Hang on, I’ve got an idea.

The explosion can be seen from sub orbital aircraft.

Inside the clearing, Teck, with infinite relief, notices the pumpkin is gone from his head. "Ah, that did it, guys," He says, then looks around. "Guys? Streng?" There is no reply aside from a couple of Fir Bolg twitching in the distance. Somehow, the pie has survived the blast. Teck picks it up, a slot in his helmet opening up. "Well, no sense in letting THIS go to waste."



Later, at the monorail station…

"Check out this nifty hat, I bet you can’t beat that," Flat says as he runs up to Teckstyle, who is standing at the station, once again playing Pong.

"Hn? Oh, that’s nice…" he says absently, then looks up. "What is that?"

"Its just as I said, a covering for my head."

"Ok…"

"But I’ll be happy if I never see another gnome. Not on the street or in my home. By the way, I am starving, is there anyone around with a turkey they’re carving?"

"You’re…rhyming."

"Do answer my question, if you please, getting some food would be the bee’s knees."

"Um. I already ate, and you’re really starting to creep me out."

"There was a task force with the Bikini Patrol, I’m afraid the magic cast at us went out of control."

"Stop that."

"Here I sit, broken hearted-"

"I will smack you if you finish that!"

No comments: