35 - Secret Crisis War On Infinite Flatfoots: Dissassembled!

*This is it! Prepare to be SCWOIFD!


Eden. Its such a peaceful sounding word, evoking imagery of gardens, springtime and apples. The Eden of Paragon city also happens to have hills. Hills that are alive with shambling rock monsters bent on wiping humanity off the face of the earth.

And past Eden (some might dare say…East…of Eden) lies the Hive. The Hive is a dangerous slice of territory with jagged rocks and trees that walk around stomping people into the mud. In the center of the Hive is a giant crater. And filling most of that crater today is a pulsating, glowing blob.

"So…" Teckstyle says, hovering over the rim of the crater. "Coming here was a good idea how?"

"Well…" Flatfoot says, looking at the glowing…thing. "Actually the folks at Portal Corp. said that this Hamidon thing’s got enough raw energy to nuke a city. If we can even get a fraction of that released while all these alternate me’s are around it, and as long as all of me keep their little quantum energy bracelets designed for just this occasion on their wrists, we should have a relatively Flatfoot-free Paragon City in no time."

"Wait…so what about the Hamidon? What if it doesn’t just launch off a fraction of its power, instead using all of it?"

"Then Rhode Island will be nothing but a smoking stain," says a new voice.

"Huh?"

"Greetings heroes, I’m Tykestyle," says a short, armored figure landing next to the two. "Plucky teen sidekick of Teckstyle!"

"What is this?" Teck whispers to Flat.

"Don’t know. Never saw him before."

"Yes, Tykestyle, the mini metallic maven of might! I built my armor in shop class."

A stray boulder from a fight on the other side of the crater sails up into the air and comes crashing down on the little blaster mid-monologue.

"Well, that’s one problem taken care of," Teck says, leaning against the rock. "So how are we planning on not turning the state into a smoking hole in the ground?"

"Well," Deadfoot says, stepping forward. "The way the bracelets work is by storing up the energy until a certain cap’s been reached. Until then, there’s no risk of dimensional shift. Of course, if Hamidon goes full blast on you, that cap’s getting reached pretty fast."

"How do you know?" Teck asks.

"There’s no time for anymore exposition, we’ve gotta do something!" Kid Flatfoot yells, running down the hill. He doesn’t stop.

"How did HE get in here??" Flat asks. "How!?"

"Not sure, but he’s going right into the blob," Teck says.

"Follow me!" Kid Flatfoot shouts from below.

"No! Don’t follow him! We need some kind of plan!" Deadfoot shouts. The calls fall on deaf ears as an army of alternate universe Flatfoots rush down the hill into the blobby form of the Hamidon.

"That’s…That’s not good," Teck says, watching mitochondria spawning within the Hamidon to fend off the infection.

"Well, let’s get this over with," Deadfoot says. "If the state’s going to go nova, might as well be in the center of it." Then he rushes down the hill into the carnage.

Teck sighs and leaps into the air, already targeting the mitos. "You coming Flat?"

Flat stands frozen in a running pose. Then he shifts five feet forward, then runs in place for a few seconds before returning to normal.

"Something’s wrong, Teck. I’m not fast anymore. Feels like I’m everywhere at once!"

"Well if you’re gonna lag behind, try and think of something while you’re at it."

Inside the Hamidon, a cluster of Flats are gathered around the few defenders. Flat Tax, the non-powered accountant screams and falls to the ground.

Clawfoot snarls and leaps into the air at the Hamidon, only to be shot out of the sky. He crashes into Fleetfeet, sending the shoulder kitten flying out over the horizon with a surprised "Meow?"
A volley of arrows, bullets, fireballs, ice shards, and a rainbow of energy bolts fire up at the Hamidon, which wobbles a little, but doesn’t fall down.

"That’s it guys, keep it up!" Kid Flatfoot shouts from the middle of the mob.

"Oh shut up will you?" Deadfoot shouts back. "We’re dropping like flies and that thing’s barely moved!"

"Yarr, we be goin’ to Davey Jones’ locker today," Flatbeard the Pirate yells as a pulse of energy engulfs the group.

Tenderfoot blinks his eyes. "Hoo-ee, we ain’t dead yet, pardners!" Then he looks down at the bracelet on his wrist, which glows a bright blue. "What the heck’s that doing?" he asks before a bright flash leaves nothing behind.

"Damn, we’re running out of time! The bracelets are starting to reach capacity!" Teck says to himself.

Down on the ground, Deadfoot stands next to Kid Flatfoot, who’s yammering away about justice and always finding a way to succeed through persistence.

"Shut up! Just shut up! I’m not letting you get me killed a second time!" Deadfoot shouts, ripping the bracelet off his own wrist and wrapping it around the sidekick’s neck. Then he lifts the chocking Kid Flatfoot over his shoulders and throws him at the Hamidon just as the bracelet begins to flash.

The world burns white for a moment, then everything goes silent.

When Flatfoot rubs his eyes, he sees a mostly empty crater. The Hamidon is nowhere to be seen. There is a large pile of bodies in the center, but that’s about it. Occasionally one will flash back to its home dimension.

He runs down to the crater and surveys the damage. Everything is covered in a light blue goo.

"The horror," he says, dropping to his knees. They squish as they land in the goo.

"Oh wow," Teck says, freeing himself from the bottom of the pile. "What is that smell??"

Something starts whirring in the Deadfoot’s chest and he sits up, looking around. "Wait, I’m still here? What the-" He looks down at his wrist and sees no bracelet. The brute smacks his forehead. "I must’ve sent that runt back into my dimension." He grins evilly. "Heh, they’re gonna love seeing him again."

"Well, actually, Kid Flatfoot was from this dimension. He wasn’t an alternate reality version or anything." Teck says.

Flat, still on his knees, looks at the big glob of jelly where the very heart of the Hamidon was. Something moves.

"So that means I’m stuck here. With that monster?" Deadfoot asks, starting to freak out.

"There’s something moving over here," Flat says, standing up.

"No. Leave it to him to survive all that. I can’t take this," Deadfoot says. "I can’t be around that psycho anymore. You keep that sidekick away from me, you hear!" Then the brute runs off into the hills, screaming madly.

The figure in the blob stands up, coughing. He tries to wipe the goo from his face with minimal success.

"What? Where am I?" He asks.

"Paragon City. You did it, you stopped the Hamidon," Flat says.

"What are you talking about? I never fought the Hamidon." He tries to brush off his uniform, revealing a bright yellow "F" on a blue background. He looks at Flatfoot with surprise. "Who are you anyway? And why are you wearing my uniform?"