36 - One Issue Later

"So, uh, welcome back to Paragon City, Flatfoot," Flatfoot says. He’s speaking to the man sitting in the booth across from him, wearing a near identical costume, but also a full beard.

"How long have I been gone?" the bearded Flat asks.

"Something like over a year."

"That long?"

Clean shaven Flat nods and takes a bite out of a gyro.

"And you are who again?"

"Well, I’m Flatfoot."

"I see. And you say you got your powers the same day that I lost mine?"

"Well, more like at the same exact moment. See, you pushed me out of the way of a moving car, then Bam! Lightning struck leaving me with enhanced reflexes and speed and you a pair of smoking shoulder pads. Er, no offense."

"So that’s what happened to the pads."

"Well, since I thought you were dead and all, I decided to fight crime in your, er honor. You know, keep up appearances."

"It was the large free bags of cash thing, wasn’t it?"

"…Yes. That was a big part of it."

Bearded Flat looks down at his plate with a depressed expression.

"Hey, its not so bad. You’re alive and back home."

"And completely forgotten and replaced by a much more successful sequel after I’ve been spending this whole time fighting for my life from dimension to dimension."

"Sounds exciting. Where’d you go?"

Flatfoot I stares at Flatfoot II. "Ever heard of the ‘Candyverse’?"

Flat II shakes his head.

"Well it’s a lot less fun that it sounds."

"So how’d you get back?"

"Well, every time there was a buildup of quantum energy, I would jump to another random dimension. Its like there was Flatfoot sized hole in the multiverse that I was sent in to plug up. You know anything about that?"

"Quantum disturbances in other dimensions? Er, of course not. I’m just a scrapper. Street level threats and all that."

"It was really weird," Flat I goes on. "One dimension I landed in, I looked an awful lot like Scott Bakula…"

"You should write a book. I mean, I’d buy a copy." Flat II says. "Um, do you want your shoulder pads back?"

Flat I shakes his head. "Won’t help. I’m powerless. Have been for the last year."

"Oh. So what are you gonna do now?"

"Get a shave and start putting my life back together. Visit some loved ones…"

"Travel?"

"NO! I mean, I’d like some stability for the moment." Flatfoot I stands up. "Look, I’d better get going. It was nice getting to know my successor, but my hero days look over for right now."

"Ooo! I’ve got it. You could be a detective, like a gumshoe!" Flat II says.

Flatfoot I sighs and rubs his forehead. "I don’t think the world can handle more than one Flatfoot."

"You know, after this last month, I agree with you. You gonna finish that gyro?" Flat II says sheepishly. "Accelerated metabolism and all that." He pauses and reaches into his belt. "Oh, wait, adventure calls. I’ve gotta take this. Take it easy Flatfoot I."

Flatfoot I steps outside of City of Gyros and looks around the city. A whoosh of air and a blue streak signal the departure of Flatfoot II. He strokes his beard thoughtfully. "Detective, eh?" he says to himself.